Responding to a Student Coming Out
If a student feels comfortable enough to come out to you, that means you're probably already doing something right, so good job! Let's keep the ball rolling. Here are a list of things to say and do when a student comes out to you.
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Say thank you! Coming out can be very scary, especially to someone in a position of authority. Thank your student for being willing to talk about it with you and let them know you support them.
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Ask who else they're out to. Knowing who else a student is out to is essential in protecting their privacy and even safety. Ask them where and with whom it's okay to use a certain name or set of pronouns. In general, you shouldn't be telling other teachers about your student's gender or sexuality, but it's still good information to know.
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Ask name and pronouns. This one is a given if your student comes out as trans or non-binary. Again, see above about when the student wants you to use these pronouns.
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Ask the student what you can do to help and listen to what they say. There are a variety of ways you can help a student. That could be offering resources, helping them come out to others, or allowing them a safe space to talk. Be willing to help them however they need. A student also might not want anything from you, just for you to know and respect who they are. That's okay too!
Student: Hello, ______, I wanted to let you know I identify as female, and I prefer the use of she/her pronouns when referring to me. I am going by Mee now instead of Thao.
Teacher: Thank you for coming to me with this, Mee, I’m glad you feel comfortable sharing this with me. Would you feel comfortable with me using this name and pronouns in the classroom?
Student: Yes, that would be great! Although I haven’t come out to my parents yet, so you shouldn’t use Mee or she/her in front of them.
Teacher: Okay, I understand. If you need me to, I can help you bring this up with other staff members, or even your parents if you are comfortable.
Student: Thank you that means a lot! I’m still deciding what to do next, but I’ll keep that in mind.
Teacher: My door is always open if you need to talk, Mee. Thank you for trusting me with this.
Example script of a student-teacher conversation:
